Laugh and learn with Lola

Goodbye 2011!

2012-01-05T09:54:00.000-08:00

Goodbye to 2011…the year that Justin Bieber cut his hair, Kristie Alley cut a rug, and Congress didn’t even trim the federal budget. HAPPY 2012 TO ALL!!!

Might be hard to do with handcuffs on...

2011-12-01T11:45:00.000-08:00

An Android app has just been released called “I’m getting arrested,” which lets users press a single icon to notify friends and family that they’re being hauled off to jail. Now that’s what I call getting the most out of one phone call!

Helpful Haunted House

2011-11-01T11:55:00.000-07:00

A Cincinnati teenager designed a haunted house for Halloween to benefit children with life-threatening illnesses. Ryan Thierauf, 16, spent ten months devising scare tactics and converting a 2,000-square-foot home into SCREAM ACRES-a ghostly experience for local chill seekers in the period leading up to Halloween. Having built the attraction with the help of sponsors, Thierauf will now donate all proceeds from the $3 admission fee to Make-A-Wish Foundation. “Being able to do what I love and help people out is a great thing,” he said. Those words come from the mouth of a 16 year old.
How proud the young man’s parents must be... and how proud I am of the young man’s parents!

Barbequed Possum Anyone?

2011-09-30T15:23:00.000-07:00

It was not a good week for typos. After a small Bar-B-Q restaurant chain in Montana sued a local phone book for mistakenly listing it in the category of “Animal Carcass Removal.” The listing led to prank phone calls, mockery, and a decline in business.

Enjoy Your Dinner

2011-08-31T16:54:00.000-07:00

Husband Hank is so thrilled about the new rule concerning McDain’s Restaurant in Monroeville, Pa., that he’s almost ready to move to Pennsylvania. O.K. Not really, but ALMOST!

The restaurant has taken the drastic step of banning children under the age of 6 from its “upscale-casual” eatery. Mike Vuick, owner of the restaurant says he decided on the ban because today’s rude, indulgent parents fail to shush their unruly kids. Before taking this step, he has asked parents of misbehaving children to consider another diner, and the parents retort, ”How dare you tell me what to do with my kid.”

Husband Hank and I raised four boys and they are all my favorite sons. But when they were under 6 and we went out to eat, we got a baby sitter. If that was impossible, we did take out and ate at home on paper plates, while we watched a family movie.

Kids need to be kids. I say "CONGRATULATIONS” To Mike Vuick. We will not be moving to Pennsylvania, but Mike does report that his business has increased by 20% since he established the new rule!

It's not my fault!

2011-07-29T11:25:00.000-07:00

Research proves that the effect of parenthood on adult outcomes ranges from small to zero. Studies show that parents do have a substantial effect on the parent –child relationship, as in how their kids feel about and remember them. But parents have little or no effect on overall happiness or personality. In other words, if people in therapy had grown up with very different families, they would probably be blaming that family for all their mistakes and bad habits too. So, what happened to teaching your kids to develop a positive attitude?

Love or Hate?

2011-06-30T14:03:00.000-07:00

A casual friend just told me that he believes if you don’t have someone in your life who hates you, you are doing something wrong. I disagree. Look at Betty White. She denied having any cosmetic surgery as she talked about growing old gracefully. Then she admitted having had her eyes “done” years ago. That confession got one little blurb in the newspaper, and then the media dropped it. Everybody loves Betty White. She’s an Icon!

Supersize me!

2011-05-30T22:22:00.000-07:00

Don Gorske of Fond du Lac, Wisconsin, eats two McDonald’s Big Macs for lunch every day. So far he has eaten 25000 of those burgers, and says he plans to eat them until he dies. His cholesterol was recently tested at a very low 156.
So much for a balanced diet!

It's All About Balance......

2011-05-04T14:26:00.000-07:00

FYI:
The iRenew Bracelet neither helped me promote my BALANCE, STRENGTH OR ENDURANCE, as advertised on TV. In fact, I fell after wearing it one week.

Zero Tolerance Policy = No Common Sense Policy

2011-03-29T06:45:00.000-07:00

Just when you’re sure you’ve heard it all!!!

A Virginia middle- school student was recently suspended for possessing antibiotics. The pills were found in her locker. According to the student, the pills were prescribed by her dermatologist for acne, and clearly had no recreational use. But officials ruled that the student had hidden a “controlled substance” in her locker… “putting the safety and well-being of other students and staff at risk.”

Well, I never!!!

Honesty Lives!

2011-03-01T14:03:00.000-08:00

Just when I’m beginning to think that honesty is no longer a regular way of life for many people, I read about Zubiru Jalloh, a cabdriver from Brooklyn. After getting out of Zubiru’s taxi, New Yorker John James realized he had left a bag containing $100,000 worth of jewelry and cash in the back seat. Luckily, John still had the tax receipt and was able to track down the driver. Zubiru had found the bag and had kept it safe until it was claimed. The young man reluctantly accepted a $1000.00 reward saying, “I did what my religion has taught me.”

Don’t you love it?

"What Pain?"

2011-01-31T14:15:00.000-08:00

Picture this! After a German dentist bought low-cut dresses for herself and her nurses to distract patients, she said, “The sight of cleavage gets patients mesmerized and distracted from the pain rather quickly.”

I’d call that an exciting discovery for men with cavities!

Dear Diary.....

2011-01-03T16:17:00.000-08:00

My youngest granddaughter found a copy of THE WIMPY KID’S DIARY (The Ugly Truth) in her stocking on Christmas morning. She’s 9 and a half years old. Of course she’s smart. She’s my grandchild. By the time she arrived at our house on Christmas day she had already finished the book. I asked her if I could borrow it.

What a treat to read that book. It’s so realistic. When I was growing up, a diary was a book you locked with a key. This book tells it like it is, for all the world to read. It’s definitely not eloquent, but it is certainly real!

Southern Justice

2010-12-02T15:49:00.000-08:00

I enjoy reading things about my home state of North Carolina, especially stories where someone really had the last word!

For example, just today I read that Sheriff Raymond Hamrick of Cleveland County, North Carolina, lost his bid for re-election to Captain Alan Norman…but… before Captain Norman could move into his office, Sheriff Hamrick fired him! Don’t you love it?

"Whose Kids Are They Anyway?"

2010-11-01T18:40:00.000-07:00

North Carolina is my Home State, and I loved growing up there. Today I read that a North Carolina school district is requiring a criminal background check of parents who want to eat lunch at school with their young children. Some parents of students in that district are complaining that the background checks are “taking things from the sublime to the ridiculous!”

I couldn’t agree more.

Laughter Is The Best Medicine

2010-10-04T17:52:00.001-07:00

I just read that a new semester course at a college in my home state of North Carolina is titled Laughter Is The Best Medicine. Now, my profession is that of a Motivational Humorist and Stand-up Comedian, and I certainly believe that laughter is the best medicine, so I read the fine print describing this course.

The syllabus says that, “Our bodies can’t tell the difference between real and simulated laughter.”

I’ve been laughing for over 80 years (I weighed a pound and a half at birth, so I’m sure I started laughing immediately!) Trust me, my body knows when I’m trying to fool it… but... I love the sound of laughter so much, I’ll even accept that “simulated” premise.

But THEN the fine print goes on to say that the format of this class is laughing, clapping and breathing…in exactly that order.

Why is BREATHING the LAST thing on the list? It’s the oxygen that enables the laughing and clapping.

I’d probably flunk the class because I wouldn’t be able to stop laughing.

Stressed-out Chinese Women

2010-09-03T13:55:00.000-07:00

A shopping mall in Shenyang, China, has opened a store in which frustrated women can destroy common household objects to blow off steam.

The store looks like a typical family’s home and is filled with second hand TVs, cell phones, dinner plates and furniture that female visitors to the mall can pay by the minute to destroy.

Now that’s my idea of a fabulous stress buster!

Lifestyles of the Rich & Infamous: Bell City Government Employees...

2010-08-02T15:09:00.000-07:00

Still puzzling over why the largely impoverished city of Bell, California, pays its city manager $787,000 and its police chief $457,000, I found the answer in a statement by Bell’s Mayor Oscar Hernandez. Mayor Hernandez says, “Our streets are cleaner, we have lovely parks, and our community is better."

Well, that certainly explains it!

When does "policy" preclude common sense?

2010-07-02T16:25:00.000-07:00

The news says that a Rhode Island second-grader violated his school’s no-weapons policy by gluing toy soldiers to his hat. The student is 8 years old and chose the patriotic theme for a class project, but school officials objected to the tiny guns carried by the soldiers. “The issue for us,” said a school official, “was the zero-tolerance for weapons.”

The issue for me is, “When does a toy glued to the hat of an 8 year old become a weapon?”

Privacy.....What privacy?

2010-06-01T09:06:00.000-07:00

Personal privacy is fast falling into a pile of dust. We now know things about each other and people we’ve never met that is absolutely none of our business. We actually have a right NOT to know these things. I would choose NOT to know these things, but I still like to watch TV news AND read the newspaper. Tiger Woods must have been so relieved when Jesse James took over his noose.

There’s no hiding place now, and this, to me is like the closing of yet another frontier.

Diet for feeling younger and living longer

2010-04-30T07:47:00.000-07:00

I just read a diet for feeling younger and living longer that I think I can follow. It was written by Dr. William Mears, who is a colon cancer survivor.

T o quote Dr. Mears…

“Eat twice as often, eat half as much, and chew twice as long.”

Dr. Mears eats “foods that grow in fields, swim in the sea, run on the land, and spend very little time in the factories.”

Sounds like a winner to me.

Red Nose Attitude

2010-04-01T07:53:00.000-07:00

When I spoke recently for the Braille Institute yearly fundraiser, I had several questions from the audience concerning husband Hank’s and my most recent book SLEEPING WITH YOUR ENEMY/HELP I’M MARRIED. The most interesting question was: After 56 years of marriage, what do the two of you do when you are angry with each other?

Answer: Since I believe in the RED NOSE ATTITUDE and give out red (sponge)noses when I speak…If I’m mad with Hank I put on the red nose (before I blow my top.) This tells Hank I am really ticked off.

When I’m calmed down enough to talk about my anger, I take off the nose and we talk.

When Hank is mad with me, he takes off all his clothes, puts on the red nose and starts playing the piano (when the kids were at home he put on his favorite hat and played the piano.) It’s up to Hank to decide when he is ready to talk.

It works.

She won Silver, but her family is true Gold

2010-03-01T14:54:00.000-08:00

I enjoyed watching the WINTER OLYMPICS on TV. How thrilling it is to see so many gifted athletes displaying their skills.

But even more fun was reading about Katherine Reutter who won the silver medal in short-track speed skating, which is worth $25,000.

This 21-year-old is giving all she won to her parents in Champaign, Illinois, to fix up their house which is filled with cracked walls and warped panels, because her mom always said, “We have better things to spend our money on."

Those “better things” were Katherine’s figure skating as a youngster, then later speedskating after seeing her enjoy racing her teammates more than doing jumps and spins.

Beth Reutter, Katherine’s mom is a teacher at the University of Illinois, and her dad Ray, is a package handler for Fed Ex.

Katherine is an only child and her parents drove her regularly (3 hours each way) for practices with elite coaches in St. Louis.

Now that’s family dedication!

Gang Tours

2010-02-02T11:46:00.000-08:00

Did you know that (according to THE WEEK magazine) tourists are paying $65 for a guided bus tour of Los Angeles’ violence-filled gang turf. Tour operators require customers to sign a waiver, acknowledging the risk of gunfire, before riding an unmarked bus in hopes of glimpsing real Crips, Bloods, and other gang members.

Tell me. Are we sick, or what?

Not Tonight, Dear

2010-01-05T14:17:00.000-08:00

I feel bad for Jay Leno and all the bad ratings he’s getting. He’s funny and he’s a good man. He should have been left on the TONIGHT SHOW. His gifts were well presented there. His new show has a silly format. He’s out of place and he’s bored.

I’ve seen Jay Leno live several times. I most recently saw him at the Comedy Magic Improv in Hermosa Beach on November 29th. He did almost an hour of Stand-Up Comedy. He was hilarious. The audience loved him. That’s his gift. Let him use it!

The Best "Breast" Advice is Self Examinations

2009-12-01T13:37:00.000-08:00

I’m totally against the latest advice from the Department of Health and Human Services advisory panel saying doctors should no longer instruct women to conduct regular breast self-examinations.

I had breast cancer resulting in a radical mastectomy in 1987. My cancer was detected early because of my self-examination. I had always been lumpy, but the lumps constantly moved around. This lump did not move at all, and it felt warm. Even though I had had a mammogram just 6 months before, I went straight to my doctor. He too felt the warm lump, which had not shown up on my previous mammogram. He then did an ultra sound, and there it was. The biopsy proved the tumor to be malignant, and I had a radical mastectomy on my left side.

That was 22 years ago, and I have been cancer free ever since. I attribute that fact to my regular self-examinations.

Snail Mail Trail

2009-11-01T19:49:00.000-08:00

Snail Mail has really lived up to its name! I just read that David and Jennifer Palliser of Almondbury, England received a postcard that was sent in 1969.
That snail must have really left a trail!

The New "French Kiss"

2009-10-01T14:32:00.000-07:00

October is definitely not a good month for the French to kiss. Many businesses, schools, and government agencies in France banned the traditional cheek kiss -“la bise”- in an effort to curb the spread of swine flu. Rather than greeting each other with a kiss, officials recommended that people keep a “3-foot buffer zone.”

C’est la vie!

In A League of Her Own

2009-08-31T14:17:00.000-07:00

It could only happen in America and, of course it’s happening in my home state of North Carolina.

A woman is suing the city of Raleigh because no men will play tennis with her. Nancy Griffin, 41, says she was so routinely beating male opponents in the city-sponsored tennis league that the city scrapped a rule that penalized players for declining matches. Griffin wants $10,000 for the emotional distress caused by hearing her opponents make excuses. One man even said, “I have a jealous wife and I cannot play females.”

Nothing that exciting ever happened when I was growing up in Rocky Mount, North Carolina.

Bernie Madoff's Favorite Class

2009-07-30T17:14:00.000-07:00

It could only happen in the wonderful USA!

An ex-con from New York has gone into business teaching Wall Street Executives and other white-collar criminals how to survive jail. For $200 an hour, Steven Oberfest, 41, teaches convicted swindlers and frauds the fine points of etiquette, how to keep their sanity behind bars, and some basic self-defense techniques. Oberfest once served time himself, and says, “Most of these guys have never been in a fight in their lives…and now they are entering a world where anything can happen.”

Gives a whole new meaning to THE JAILHOUSE ROCK!!!

Jobs Available, depending on qualifications...

2009-06-30T17:35:00.000-07:00

The flyer came by regular mail in a plain brown envelope. The flyer itself was shocking pink. The headlines read WEBCAM PERFORMERS $$$ WE ARE HIRING!!

And then it read:

1. You must be over 18, able to sign contracts, and you must have proper government issued ID.

2. No special equipment is needed. A good PC with the latest version of Flash, webcam, and broadband internet access is all you need.

3. Our web site performers are mostly girls and couples, in response to viewer demand…however, we do have a few guys. So all are welcome to apply.

4. We are a hardcore adult site, so performers must be willing to get nude and do hardcore shows.

5. You must be able to speak English and type chat messages in English via the keyboard.

Then follows an address to sign up online.

Actually I meet all the qualifications except for item #2 where it says “No special equipment is needed.”

I’m 79 years old. I need a lot of special equipment.

Lola in FUNNIEST HOUSEWIVES OF THE OC

2009-06-01T13:11:00.000-07:00

Lola is featured in FUNNIEST HOUSEWIVES OF THE OC at the Irvine Improv June 24th. at 8:00 P.M. It is a "Laughter Is The Best Medicine" Event benefiting the Susan Samueli Center For Integrative Medicine. The tickets are $30 and the number to call for tickets is 949-854-5455.

Cereal Killer

2009-06-01T12:48:00.000-07:00

So a man was arrested in Massachusetts for eating a bowl of cereal while driving. How did he do that? I can hardly eat a bowl of cereal standing up, let alone while driving a car. The man was on his way to work. I wonder how his clothes looked when he got there. Milk must have sloshed everywhere.

When asked why he did this, the man simply said, “I was hungry.”

Well, that explains it!

“Green” is not always clean

2009-04-30T16:15:00.000-07:00

Washington state residents are smuggling in dishwasher detergent to evade a new ban on phosphate-containing cleaners. They say the new “green” phosphate –free detergents leave their dishes greasy and crusted with food. They’re driving to Idaho to load up on Electrosol and Cascade.

A woman will travel as far as necessary to get clean dishes!

Dog Day Afternoon

2009-04-28T13:24:00.000-07:00

Last week was a horrific week for a Florida man who walked his dog without a leash. A court has ordered him to pay $40,000 in fines, back interest and legal fees in his legal battle with the River Watch homeowners Association in Tarpon Springs.

And all the poor dog did was walk!

Rice Wars

2009-04-01T15:29:00.000-07:00

As if our slowing economy isn’t enough to worry about, two restaurants in a Rhode Island mall food court are in the fifth year of a legal battle over the right to sell rice. Owner of the Cathay Cathay restaurant, says he pays extra rent to be the mall’s sole provider of white rice, which he says is the backbone of Chinese food…but the Gourmet Indian restaurant in that same food court says its lease allows them to sell basmati rice, a long-grained strain of white rice, which is called the “must ingredient” of Indian cuisine.

So far, legal fees have totaled $200,000.

FREE TICKETS TO LOLA'S MARCH 3rd SHOW!

2009-02-26T11:08:00.000-08:00

Lola is giving away tickets to The Funniest Housewives of The O. C. (Orange County) show at The Coach House! This hilarious show has most recently been seen at The IMPROV Comedy Clubs in Irvine & Brea, CA as well as The Center Club in Costa Mesa, CA.

Lola wants you to be her guest at The Coach House in San Juan Capistrano! The show is on Tuesday, March 3rd at 8:00pm, but dinner is available starting at 6:00pm (for an additional charge)

These days, most people aren't getting a BAIL-OUT, so Lola figures that you could use a break and a GOOD LAUGH!

Click here to get your free tickets!

Irreconcilable

2009-02-26T09:47:00.000-08:00

A New York man is suing his wife for the return of his kidney. The man says he was happy to donate the organ to his wife when she needed a transplant, but now he’s in the middle of an ugly divorce and he wants that kidney back. He says it’s worth 1.5 million. The wife’s lawyer says the kidney was a gift and now belongs to her…so… “Never look a gift kidney in the mouth!”

Free Ride

2009-01-30T13:17:00.000-08:00

A Brazilian woman was sent home from Bolivia a couple of weeks ago after she stripped naked at the foot of a statue of Jesus in a town square. She was hoping to be deported, because she had run out of money to pay her way home. Immigration officials drove her to the Brazilian border, and the Brazilian Consulate gave her money to catch a bus.

Dirty Dancing

2008-12-16T12:23:00.000-08:00

I can’t believe what I just heard happened in my home state of North Carolina.

A 64-year-old woman has been awarded $275,000 after her town banned her from its weekly community dances. Rebecca Willis danced in short skirts, “simulating sexual intercourse with her partner, who hunched on the floor,” lawyers for the town of Marshall had alleged.

This week the town decided to settle her lawsuit, saying it had infringed upon her freedom of expression.

I wonder if Rebecca’s going to split that money with her dancing partner.

Jail Mail

2008-12-14T09:27:00.000-08:00

It must be true because I read it in the tabloids. There is an escaped prisoner in Germany who mailed himself out of jail. This man, Hans Lang, who was serving time for drug offenses, allegedly hid himself inside a large Federal Express package of dirty sheets that was later picked up for delivery.

Once clear of the prison grounds, Lang exited the box, picked the lock on the door of the delivery truck, and disappeared into some woods in Dusseldorf. He has yet to be found.

Gives a whole new meaning to that saying: “Never air your dirty linen in public.”

Who needs sleep?

2008-12-07T11:19:00.000-08:00

One of Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends is leaving him to marry a younger man. Hefner has announced that he will be giving her away at a very special wedding ceremony.

In the meantime, 82-year-old Hefner recently broke up with a second girlfriend and is now dating 19-year-old twins.

I do hope they’re getting enough sleep!

Happy Retirement, President Bush!

2008-12-01T07:27:00.000-08:00

Haven’t heard anything about what President Bush’s plans are after he leaves the White House. I did read the other day that he doesn’t have to worry too much about getting another job. He leaves the White House with assets estimated at up to $21 million dollars.

He did tell biographer Robert Draper, “I’ll give some speeches just to replenish the ol’ coffers.”

Unfairly Targeted

2008-11-18T07:41:00.001-08:00

I love reading news about things that happen in my home state of North Carolina. Just last week a woman was awarded 3.1 million dollars after Target employees refused to accept her $100 bill. The cashiers not only declined the bill, but they emailed the woman’s photo to police and local businesses as a suspected counterfeiter.

The bill was not counterfeit. Now the woman wants to know how to get back her good name…well certainly not at Target!

When you gotta, go you gotta go!

2008-11-12T15:12:00.001-08:00

My husband and I saw the automobile accident happen right in front of us. I immediately dialed 911 on my cell phone. We heard the ambulance siren within seconds. That’s when I realized the true value of a cell phone.

Not so for the Oregon teenager who said she didn’t see the police officer trying to pull her over for going 107 mph because she was talking on her cell phone.

And not like the passenger on a French high-speed railroad line who got his arm stuck in a high-tech suction toilet. The man was reaching for his dropped cell phone. He had to be removed from the train with the toilet still attached to his arm.

Gives a whole new meaning to “When you gotta, go you gotta go!”

2008-11-11T07:05:00.000-08:00

Cities and school districts across the country are forcing their employees to cover up tattoos if they want to keep their jobs.

Thank goodness my tattoo is always covered, except in the shower, the bedroom, and when I have a mammogram.

You know you’re growing older when you realize that the only time you’ll be asked to appear topless is when you go in for a mammogram!