Bet Your Bottom Dollar!

I just read that Mariah Carey slathers her 18 month-old twins’ rear ends with La Mer facial lotion after each diaper change. The lotion retails for $150 per ounce and $1,900 for a large bottle. WOW!!! Those baby bottoms should be insured.   
          

Never too late...

I did read the other day that medical experts tell us that we can enjoy sex way past the age of 90, and my hormones said, “WOW!” But then I heard about a 96-year-old Indian man whose wife bore him a son last month - the second in two years.  And what did the Indian man say? He said, “I think it’s important for a husband and wife to have sex regularly.”  That statement definitely clears up everything!

Ready....aim....

Police in Prince George’s County, Md. are setting up security cameras to monitor their speeding cameras.  Why??? Six of the speeding cameras have been vandalized, burned, and shot by angry motorists. No one has yet figured out how to keep the security cameras from being shot. Any ideas? 

Amateur Carjacker

Joshua Adam Carter, 25, of Louisiana tried to hijack an unmarked police car at a traffic light. Inside the car were a state police detective and two U.S. marshals. “He’s not one of your smarter ones,” said a spokesman for the Marshals Office.

One man's trash is another man's treasure

Just found out that an artist from my home state of North Carolina, purchased an abstract painting at a thrift store for $9.99. The painting turned out to be a Vertical Diamond by Ilya Bolotowsky, which Sotheby’s valued at $20,000. Congratulations fellow tarheel!!!

Swedish Workweek is "Sweetest"

Now, hear this!!! After a new report indicated that the average Swedish workweek hit a historic high- 26.2 hours, unions are complaining that the added work “can affect people’s health.” SAY WHAT???

Be forewarned...a woman scorned

A Polish dentist had the last word by pulling the last tooth. Her boyfriend broke up with her three days before his dental appointment. He decided to keep his appointment. She decided to keep his teeth. She put him to sleep and pulled out every tooth in his mouth. Now that’s a wake-up call!

She was warned...

It was not a good week for a woman who ate a “Double Bypass” burger at the Heart Attack Grill in Las Vegas. She apparently suffered a heart attack and was rushed to the hospital!

Too much multi-tasking?

Who says texting isn’t bad for situational awareness. Bonnie Miller of Benton Harbor Michigan, fell off a pier into Lake Michigan while texting. She was rescued by a passerby who jumped in after her.

The moral is: Don’t text and dive!

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished...

An honest kid in Arkansas said he deserved the punishment his mom gave him. Nequavion, a ten year old boy, was thrown off the school bus for yelling. As punishment his mom made him walk to school the next day. Police charged his mom with neglect. Her son said she did the right thing. “I just had to walk,” the boy said.

Will wonders never cease?

Law Enforcement Party...on our dime!

Well, I never! The Florida Department of Law Enforcement revealed that it spent $330 on alcohol, mixers, and Doritos for 15 employees to get drunk. The department says it was testing the accuracy of its Breathalyzers. And not one of those employees got a WUI. (Working Under the Influence)

Goodbye 2011!

Goodbye to 2011…the year that Justin Bieber cut his hair, Kristie Alley cut a rug, and Congress didn’t even trim the federal budget. HAPPY 2012 TO ALL!!!