Southern Justice

I enjoy reading things about my home state of North Carolina, especially stories where someone really had the last word!

For example, just today I read that Sheriff Raymond Hamrick of Cleveland County, North Carolina, lost his bid for re-election to Captain Alan Norman…but… before Captain Norman could move into his office, Sheriff Hamrick fired him! Don’t you love it?

"Whose Kids Are They Anyway?"

North Carolina is my Home State, and I loved growing up there. Today I read that a North Carolina school district is requiring a criminal background check of parents who want to eat lunch at school with their young children. Some parents of students in that district are complaining that the background checks are “taking things from the sublime to the ridiculous!”

I couldn’t agree more.

Laughter Is The Best Medicine

I just read that a new semester course at a college in my home state of North Carolina is titled Laughter Is The Best Medicine. Now, my profession is that of a Motivational Humorist and Stand-up Comedian, and I certainly believe that laughter is the best medicine, so I read the fine print describing this course.

The syllabus says that, “Our bodies can’t tell the difference between real and simulated laughter.”

I’ve been laughing for over 80 years (I weighed a pound and a half at birth, so I’m sure I started laughing immediately!) Trust me, my body knows when I’m trying to fool it… but... I love the sound of laughter so much, I’ll even accept that “simulated” premise.

But THEN the fine print goes on to say that the format of this class is laughing, clapping and breathing…in exactly that order.

Why is BREATHING the LAST thing on the list? It’s the oxygen that enables the laughing and clapping.

I’d probably flunk the class because I wouldn’t be able to stop laughing.

Stressed-out Chinese Women

A shopping mall in Shenyang, China, has opened a store in which frustrated women can destroy common household objects to blow off steam.

The store looks like a typical family’s home and is filled with second hand TVs, cell phones, dinner plates and furniture that female visitors to the mall can pay by the minute to destroy.

Now that’s my idea of a fabulous stress buster!

Lifestyles of the Rich & Infamous: Bell City Government Employees...

Still puzzling over why the largely impoverished city of Bell, California, pays its city manager $787,000 and its police chief $457,000, I found the answer in a statement by Bell’s Mayor Oscar Hernandez. Mayor Hernandez says, “Our streets are cleaner, we have lovely parks, and our community is better."

Well, that certainly explains it!

When does "policy" preclude common sense?

The news says that a Rhode Island second-grader violated his school’s no-weapons policy by gluing toy soldiers to his hat. The student is 8 years old and chose the patriotic theme for a class project, but school officials objected to the tiny guns carried by the soldiers. “The issue for us,” said a school official, “was the zero-tolerance for weapons.”

The issue for me is, “When does a toy glued to the hat of an 8 year old become a weapon?”

Privacy.....What privacy?

Personal privacy is fast falling into a pile of dust. We now know things about each other and people we’ve never met that is absolutely none of our business. We actually have a right NOT to know these things. I would choose NOT to know these things, but I still like to watch TV news AND read the newspaper. Tiger Woods must have been so relieved when Jesse James took over his noose.

There’s no hiding place now, and this, to me is like the closing of yet another frontier.

Diet for feeling younger and living longer

I just read a diet for feeling younger and living longer that I think I can follow. It was written by Dr. William Mears, who is a colon cancer survivor.

T o quote Dr. Mears…

“Eat twice as often, eat half as much, and chew twice as long.”

Dr. Mears eats “foods that grow in fields, swim in the sea, run on the land, and spend very little time in the factories.”

Sounds like a winner to me.

Red Nose Attitude

When I spoke recently for the Braille Institute yearly fundraiser, I had several questions from the audience concerning husband Hank’s and my most recent book SLEEPING WITH YOUR ENEMY/HELP I’M MARRIED. The most interesting question was: After 56 years of marriage, what do the two of you do when you are angry with each other?

Answer: Since I believe in the RED NOSE ATTITUDE and give out red (sponge)noses when I speak…If I’m mad with Hank I put on the red nose (before I blow my top.) This tells Hank I am really ticked off.

When I’m calmed down enough to talk about my anger, I take off the nose and we talk.

When Hank is mad with me, he takes off all his clothes, puts on the red nose and starts playing the piano (when the kids were at home he put on his favorite hat and played the piano.) It’s up to Hank to decide when he is ready to talk.

It works.

She won Silver, but her family is true Gold

I enjoyed watching the WINTER OLYMPICS on TV. How thrilling it is to see so many gifted athletes displaying their skills.

But even more fun was reading about Katherine Reutter who won the silver medal in short-track speed skating, which is worth $25,000.

This 21-year-old is giving all she won to her parents in Champaign, Illinois, to fix up their house which is filled with cracked walls and warped panels, because her mom always said, “We have better things to spend our money on."

Those “better things” were Katherine’s figure skating as a youngster, then later speedskating after seeing her enjoy racing her teammates more than doing jumps and spins.

Beth Reutter, Katherine’s mom is a teacher at the University of Illinois, and her dad Ray, is a package handler for Fed Ex.

Katherine is an only child and her parents drove her regularly (3 hours each way) for practices with elite coaches in St. Louis.

Now that’s family dedication!

Gang Tours

Did you know that (according to THE WEEK magazine) tourists are paying $65 for a guided bus tour of Los Angeles’ violence-filled gang turf. Tour operators require customers to sign a waiver, acknowledging the risk of gunfire, before riding an unmarked bus in hopes of glimpsing real Crips, Bloods, and other gang members.

Tell me. Are we sick, or what?

Not Tonight, Dear

I feel bad for Jay Leno and all the bad ratings he’s getting. He’s funny and he’s a good man. He should have been left on the TONIGHT SHOW. His gifts were well presented there. His new show has a silly format. He’s out of place and he’s bored.

I’ve seen Jay Leno live several times. I most recently saw him at the Comedy Magic Improv in Hermosa Beach on November 29th. He did almost an hour of Stand-Up Comedy. He was hilarious. The audience loved him. That’s his gift. Let him use it!