"It's not my fault!"

A former inmate is suing an Oregon prison for failing to give him a ladder to climb in and out of the top bunk in his cell. Mitchell Ray Johnson claims it’s the prison’s fault he tore a ligament in his knee while getting down from his bunk. He is seeking $49,637 in damages.

Beggars can't be choosers...or can they?

An Illinois double murder suspect has filed a 15-count complaint to a local judge about conditions in jail. He says his prison meals are boring and that the towels are too small. He also complains that breakfast is served at the indecent hour of 6:15 A.m. and that the books in the library are not up to date.

Now that’s called ENTITLEMENT!!!

Randy really IS randy!

It was a good week for Randy the guinea pig, who escaped his cage at a British animal park and snuck into a female enclosure, where he impregnated 100 females. “He has now rejoined his male friends,” said the park’s manager. “Clearly he’s got a lot of bragging to do.” See the video

And the Slacker Award goes to...everyone!

A Michigan school has sent a flyer home to parents urging that they and their children minimize the “competitive urge to win” at the school’s annual field day, so as not upset the other students. “We believe all of our students are winners,” the flyer said. What in the world is that school teaching its students…”Don’t do your best!” Come on!!!

Tuition for Two-Year-Olds

There is a new private school for kids under two years old that has opened in an affluent Manhattan neighborhood, promising to teach such skills as “napping” and “self-feeding.” The annual fee is only $33,490. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!

Lack of Paramedic Professionalism

A sick Washington, D.C. woman called 911 and summoned an ambulance.

 She ended up having to take the subway to the hospital because the two arriving paramedics got into a heated argument and forgot all about her.

A Determined Valentine

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A romantic Arizona inmate broke out of jail so that he could spend Valentine’s Day with his girlfriend. The 40-year old scaled a 12-foot wall and crawled through razor wire, before catching a ride to the Gallopin’ Goose Salon and Grill, where he’d arranged to meet his sweetie. That sure tops “I’d climb the highest mountain” AND “I’d swim the deepest river.” Nevertheless, authorities tracked the fugitive down and took him back to jail.